For the mouse and the parakeet and anyone else who might be a "regular"* reader of this blog or GIGO, the question is, "Where in the Sam Hill is he?" "Has he taken this hermit stuff too far/seriously?"
[* Re:regular - yes, it's hard to be a regular reader without regular updates. Granted. Understood. Noted.]
This past Lent, I set three goals for myself. One of them happened to be - drop a bit of the hermit personna, start getting out a bit more, and try for heaven's sake to get married (at least make yerself better marriage material). So I joined three match sites, figuring this was the best way to stick my little hermit head out a wee bit, without too much fuss. One of them was Ave Maria Singles which I recommend if you are serious about getting married. I found the questions they asked to fill out a profile put me in the right frame of mind for marriage whenever I viewed a woman's profile. Catholic Match (also St. Raphael dot net) is a little more fun, but it's obvious that it's not as serious as AMS. The forums are fun, and people seemingly get lost in there and forget the purpose in joining the site. There's also this profile question, "Are you considering a religious vocation?" Well, it turns out that the answer no wasn't an option.
Well, that's not entirely accurate. "Maybe" wasn't an option. I just didn't want to answer the question, but there was no way to submit the profile without answering the question. So I answered no. And it bothered me.
In the meantime, in the forums, there was link to a vocation/personality test. I figured "what the hay?" and took the thing. They were supposed to e-mail the results out within a month (I have yet to receive anything), but instead got a phone call from a nice lady who is really pushing for vocations (note: she's made quite a name for herself, but I don't have the time to look for her name at the moment). Anyways, after a second phone call she arranges to have Father Oscar, the director of vocations for the Boston Archdiocese, contact me. (The story of that meeting was posted on April 1st, it's a tad over-melodramatic, and I immediately pulled the plug on it. I've decided to reinstate the post without edit.) I then changed the answer to the profile question on Catholic Match to yes.
On Father's Day after observing a semi-retired priest botch* the Eucharistic Liturgy, and after I received the Blessed Sacrament, my mind was wandering as I knelt in the pew. I thought, "who's going to replace that old man?" I felt a huge Pythonesque hand pointing a finger directly at me in response. I questioned one of my parish priests about this, and there is no doubt in my mind that he thought I was telling him I was called to the priesthood. I persisted that I was questioning this, and he told me, "Bob, you're not going to get a burning bush." That was just the sort of kick in the pants I needed. He asked me if I was being honest with myself. And that's exactly where I am now -- taking an honest assessment of myself, the Church and my relationship with God.
[* Re:botch. It might be that botch is too strong a word. Nevertheless, I'm keeping the word in.]
I've since told my parents about my discernment and now you know (who ever you may be).
I don't know how frequent my blog entries will be. I would like to keep my meager skills at the ready -- to exercise the muscle so to speak, but I also feel less drawn to "the world." It's not that I don't care what happens in the world, but rather that my gaze is directed elsewhere at the moment. I'll do my best to check in from time to time.
Pax vobiscum,
Bob
thanks for the link earlier today. I printed the article and left it around the provider lounge and call room area of the hospital where I practice.
Praying for your discernment.
Please pray for my children, that they will return to the faith and (hopefully) find solid marriage partners or whatever their God given vocation is!
Bob,
My advice is give the vocation thing a whirl. I spent six years in formation for priesthood and wound up leaving and now I am married. I can say a few things that might be helpful:
1) I think I learned lessons in seminary formation that make me a better husband, and my wife would agree.
2) I don't think I could have ever reached certainty that I am not called to celibacy without having given it a serious and prayerful try.
3) You will learn much more about yourself, your faith, and, most importantly, your God through the experience.
4) Entering a formation program is not the same as committing your life. Indeed, the Church won't let you commit too quickly. She's going to make you take years to solemnly decide to commit. It's really hard to make the decision out here in the world. In a formation program, they're going to help you make the right decision for you, and they are going to take their sweet time helping you.
On this last point, I can't emphasize enough that most formation programs are not going to pressure you to stay when and if they let you enter. Rather, they sincerely and truly will work with you to help you discern what God is really calling you to do in your life. If you are not called to religious life or priesthood, they will respect that.
One last point....Don't think they are desperate for new recruits. Good formation staff will try to weed out some bad apples, and just as you are discerning whether you want to join a community, they are discerning whether to take you. In light of recent scandals, I'd bet most formators are being extra careful these days. That's a good thing and a bad thing - because if you have the calling, it will seem an obstacle to gain community approval, but bear in mind they have a responsibility to be careful.
Peace!
Posted by: jcecil3 at August 19, 2004 06:54 PMThanks for your prayers Alicia. Certainly those who have fallen away from the faith will be included in my prayers.
Thank you very much for the advice jcecil3. I appreciate it.
Pax vobiscum,
Bob